Monday, October 30, 2006
Bitter parents
What's with people that are parents giving off the negative vibes. I'm really excited about having a baby and totally looking forward to the experience. I am not naive and realize it comes with it's challenges but why do people feel the need to rub that in. I find as I talk to parents about these last remaining days of my life without a child all they ever say are things like "enjoy it while you can", "you'll never do that again", "i remember those days" etc. All said with that sinister mwahaha tone...like Dr.Evil revelling in his evil plan. They also mention the many changes that will come and all mention it with this distaste as though their lives have been ruined. (no sleep, no time, no money, no freedom) So far parents have been the worst advocates for parenting that I've encoutered. Single people are so excited for us and have nothing but encouraging, supporting things to say. I wish other parents would be giving us nothing but positive comments especially given the fact that we are in the ninth month and the baby is coming very soon. Any thoughts on this phenomenon? You parents?
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I always tell my friends who are about to give birth to go out as much as possible-- for dinner, to the movies, etc. simply because it takes awhile before you can do those things again. I don't mean "enjoy it while you can, suckers!" But, rather to really ENJOY it, b/c things are just different after the kids come along. Not bad different (well, sometimes). Just different. Most things just take more effort.
I think your single friends are excited the most b/c they don't understand all the hard work involved -- they just see the cute baby at church on Sunday sleeping quietly in the cute outfit.
And some parents really are bitter too. I am somedays (esp. since getting pregnant with #3 and thinking -- why?!). Kids bring fullness to your life -- so much love and so much frustration. But the love always outweighs the frustration overall -- even if you have very intense moments of frustration. Your friends need to tell you to focus on all of the love and the happiness and the fullness and that the change is a good change, even if every moment won't always be good. Don't let them rain on your parade too much -- but some of their warnings are probably well meant and true.
Totally know what you mean, Chester. We're getting the same vibes these days!
My mama always told me: "Kids bring out the best in you, and they bring out the worst in you." In this instance, parenting is like playing poker: Most poker players most clearly remember the bad beats, and most parents are quickest to recall when their kids misbehave.
You will LOVE your child. She will bring out the best in you, and she will bring some really tough times too. But aren't the best things in life the things that cost the most? If having a child is a gift from God, it must be an unreal gift because it costs so much freedom and self-denial!
It's fun to complain sometimes, but as I'm sitting here, my son in my lap, cuddling with me and telling me about his Tigger band-aid, I wonder if life gets any better than this. I wouldn't have life any other way!
I think that number two will be more a life-changer than Jared was. Yeah, things are different and you have to plan differently, and you are restricted in some ways, but I still do most things I did before. One baby seems more portable than a toddler and a baby. And the things that you can't do anymore, you don't really remember all that often, because you are too busy doing things with your baby. At least that's how it is for me.
But I think Dixie nailed it on the head about the single friends not getting it. There is a lot of work involved and you truly do have to sacrifice a lot - everything from never wearing clean clothes (always full of drool, etc.) to not being able to scoot out for a couple of errands to lack of sleep. And yet, it doesn't really matter anymore. I have no problem walking around with spit-up on my shoulder (I've even walked around Superstore with runny, yellow poop on my skirt - refer to a post a few months ago), and the best feeling in the world is cuddling up on the couch with Jared and having a nap. Ahhhhh.... I am super excited for you guys, and can't wait to hear you go through all the awesome things for the first time!!!!
I hate to say it, some parents are very negative because they have totally left their old life, and their children are now their life. Now with that said it is not as it sounds, my kids are my life too, however, I have never stopped doing what I did before I had kids. Personally I don't believe that you will never do that again. If you choose you will do exactly the same things, but you will have to do a bit more planning. You will take turns going out with friends, or your friends will come to your house more as you have the youngest child, so it is easier for you to be at home with everything. Reagan is one of my best friends, and everytime she is in Edmonton, she calls and we plan on getting together, however most of the time they just come over and we hang out there, because it gets expensive to get a babysitter, and it really takes a true friend to do that. I used to take my boys everywhere with me, even if I was just going to hang out at a friends house for the evening, if James had plans too. We have gone on vacations, everything. We took Harrison fishing when he was just over a year old, we just made sure he had on a lifejacket. Yes there are some exceptions, and some places you absolutely can not take your kids, but for the most part it is fine. Having kids is a huge life changing experience, but it is not a bad one, and as long as you have a good support network, friends, family, church, you will be fine, and it will be great.
I can't believe it is comming so fast!! Are you ready for it!?!?
I am!!
We got all those same comments and they drove us NUTS!
Honestly, life changed BIG TIME for the first few months, but really, we're back to doing what we've always done, we have alot of babysitters (we're lucky!) and Kaitlyn has just "joined" our life.
It's all what you make of it!
~Shelen
Yes, life changes for you but it becomes much richer. There is nothing like a "jaw breaker kiss" and little arms tight around your neck with a "I love you" whispered in your ear.
If you had wanted to keep things the way they are, you should have practiced with a dog first to see if parenting is going to fit into your lifestyle.
MOM
Yes, life changes for you but it becomes much richer. There is nothing like a "jaw breaker kiss" and little arms tight around your neck with a "I love you" whispered in your ear.
If you had wanted to keep things the way they are, you should have practiced with a dog first to see if parenting is going to fit into your lifestyle.
MOM
Things do become more difficult once you have kids and you can't decide on short notice to do things and it takes much planning to do even little things. But you don't know? I wouldn't change the my days with kids for anything to go back to my care free days. Sure we don't go out much as we used too, but to us staying home with the kids is just as exciting, or instead of going out for a dinner and movie alone we had more fun going to a pumpkin patch as a family. Even bowling can be done with a 2 year old (with bumper pads) of course. Being a parent is the best thing that could ever happen in your life, and to me is more important then having all the money in the world, or the time in the world, the biggest house ect,. I say just use your last few weeks as a time to relax in order to prepare for the comming months as you make the adjustment to parenthood.
I agree with everyone here, you take change as it comes and how you deal with the change is up to you. I don't have kids but I would like to have them one day. My mom and my sister have never been very supportive of that idea, oftem complaining about how much they feel having kids held them back. But if you asked them to their face if they'd ever give up their kids to have their youthful year back I'm sure they'd both say no. Some people are just natural complainers, "glass half empty" types. But I know you guys are both such positive people that you make the best out of any change in your life. Who else could go half way around the world and have such a wonderful full life there? Everything is what you make it out to be. As long as you have good supporting friends and family around that are happy to be there with you no matter what you are doing or where you are hanging out (thank you Trina for your nice words, we love hangin out with you guys!!!)then how can you ever feel like you are missing anything, you're making new memories :) Take care this last leg of the journey and good luck!!
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